#everything is going to go wrong now and I can't help but feel...

[demilypyro]

I have a very hard time doing anything that "feels" wrong. Going back on a promise. White lies. Apologies I don't mean. Even when something is logical and ultimately the smart thing to do, if it doesn't feel right.... I can't do it.

My emotions drive me, guide me. It's intuition all the way down. It can make it hard for me to understand the kind of person who... avoids things. The people pleasers and conflict avoiders. People who keep secrets. I can't help being upfront with how I feel.... And that can make it easy for people to lie to me, I suppose. My first instinct is always to talk it out until there's a mutual understanding. Total emotional honesty... But I guess that doesn't work with people whose instinct is to hide things, or who assume *I'm* hiding things. Or those who don't care about honesty in the first place....

I used to lie a lot. Almost constantly. I hated who I was, and was convinced everyone else did too. So I lied. About everything. And years later, when I saw the consequences, I hated myself even more.... And now I can't lie anymore. Just thinking about it tears me up inside. My mind rejects the concept. I can only ever be loudly myself... And I honestly like myself better that way.

[lorimnnn]

bruce wayne x femdom!reader | minors dni | slight corruption dynamic | dom x sub dynamic | unedited

thinking of bruce wayne who goes on a date with another random sugar baby to get his usual, non-committal, romantic fix.

fully prepared to go by the script, he dons his playboy persona and prepares to blow his wallet spoiling you as the expected rich, older man looking for one thing and one thing alone. he's dominant. slightly arrogant. unquestionably in charge. slightly cold. everything goes to plan... mostly. he can't help but feel there is something off about your saccharine smile and soft eyes, but he puts it down to your gold digging personality. its nothing he hasn't seen before. it just means your time together will probably be cut short.

oh, how wrong he is. how wrong he is, he realises, when he finally gets you alone and he finds himself being shoved down on to the bed. in the few seconds he takes to recover, you have already crawled over him, your knee grinding into his cock, the nail job he paid for sinking into his cheeks as you grab him by the jaw. that look in your eyes has become bottomless. the smile turning up the corners of your lips has gone from cheeky to wolfish, and the whole thing feels blinding, a beam of smug mirth that makes him feel so erotically pathetic, he becomes terrified he might cum in his pants at any moment. for the first time in bruce wayne's life, he feels like prey instead of predator. he fears you will eat him alive the same way he had intended to do to you.

and worse?

after a night of treating him like a dog, fucking him stupid and milking him dry, he finds that he likes it. too much. and what he thought would be a contractual fling is about to become a lot more.

bruce wayne who nearly pounds down your door begging for you. he falls to his knees and holds you by the waist like a preacher and his god.

bruce wayne who sheds his stress when he's with you. batman, the paparazzi, everything--- none of it matters when you are the one in control, unknowingly shouldering it for him.

bruce wayne who can never go back. you are everything he was looking for before he knew there was a purpose; you are his purpose. maybe you hadn't expected him to want to see you after your night spent together. it was easy to expect him to be repulsed by your face after humiliating him and everything he stood for like that in the span of one night, but you were wrong. now you have to deal with a billionaire who would do anything for you... and a vigilante who relied on being disrespected in his free time to maintain respect in his city of crime.

bruce wayne, charismatic bachelor and epitome of the "top dog" in a world of obscene riches and devastating poverty, a crumbling society and garden of violence... who will bark if his woman asks him to.

basically, bruce wayne who finds his entire nervous system jump started because he meets a freaky woman into bullying rich, arrogant men... and is horrified to realise that he really, really likes it.

---

guys I'm working on the Jason fic I swear 😭 it's fully plotted and I have a whole whiteboard for it rn. exam season just ended and in the midst of moving as well--- I'm doing my best to put out what I can!!! thank you for showing my work so much love these past few weeks with the reblogs and likes. I've also been LOVING your replies and messages. please spam me darling 🥹 its literally my fave thing

anyway I came up with this idea because I've been reading "in the doghouse" (korean 18+ manhwa) and the love interest, the imperial crown prince, is a d1 freak who loves being the main characters subby little puppy despite having to uphold the expectations of being such a dominant and coveted bachelor in society. every time he gets dominated, he doesn't have to think because someone is doing the thinking for him. and so I was like, thats sort of like bruce. bruce has the whole world at his feet and yet it feels more like its on his shoulders. wouldn't he love to have the control torn from his hands? so... yeah LOLOL

[freddleafton12345-blog]

DATE EVERYTHING IS SO GOOD SO HAVE A DIRK SMUT FIC! Reader is intented 2 be female! (BTW for this, Harper and Dirk dated, but never had s*x. Why? Because only you get that privilege in my eyes lmfao)

You knew that Harper and Dirk had something going on.

Always bickering back and forth. The constant arguments made you very annoyed and worried.

So when you finally stepped in, and suggested they take a break, they both accepted. You were grateful that Harper wasn't angry at you because she knew you liked Dirk.

Harper was like a sister you never had. She was full of issues, sure, but hey, isn't everybody?

And then there was Dirk. The man who, despite his flaws, (and clothing) swept you off your feet.

Harper, surprisingly, was supportive of your feelings. After a few months of her and Dirk's breakup, you had a chat with her about your day, and she brought up the fact that it was valentines day.

"Look, Dirkie can be a bit of a hassle, but if you really wanna get him to get you dirty, then you should wear this!" Harper held up a black lingerie set with rhinestones.

"HARPER!" Your face went beet red.

The hamper only giggled. "Relax, this isn't mine! I ordered it online for you, and it came today! Though I didn't expect to see Dorian holding the lingerie when I got to the door! Guess he got curious and opened the box, hehe!"

You hesitantly took the lingerie and went up to your room, not wanting to chat any longer out of embarrassment.

Once you got to your room, you shut and locked the door. Then you put the lingerie on, though you felt shy about it.

"Hm..." You looked into your mirror. Well, it fit you. Definitely emphasized your curves.

"Ah, there you are!" The closet doors opened and Dirk came out. "What took you so long-..." his face grew red as he took in your outfit.

"Oh, Dirk! Hey, um..." You looked down, too shy to explain yourself.

Well, here goes nothing.

"Happy...valentines day..." You weakly spoke, still looking at the ground incase this went horribly wrong.

But soon, you felt a smooth hand guide your chin upwards, so now you were making eye contact with the gorgeous man.

"Well, well. Bats and I didn't expect such a...lovely surprise~" he whispered in your ear, pulling you up against him.

"Um...the surprise was mostly meant for you, actually..." You mumbled into his chest.

He looked over at the body pillow in the closet, then chuckled. "Bats says that's fine. Now then..."

Dirk guided you to your bed, climbing on top of you with lust in his eyes. "Fuuuuck.. You're gorgeous like this..." he purred.

"Pfft, you wanna be in charge? Too bad...HIYAH!" You sprang up and pinned him down on the mattress, then sat on his lap.

Dirk looked surprised, and flustered. His face got more red as you gently choked his neck.

"Like that~?"

"A-ahh..nnghh.." he looked so weak now that you took the reigns.

The advice Sophia gave you when you went to her for advice weeks before? Totally worked!

You giggled and helped him out of his clothing, throwing it across the room. You could feel his hard member against your ass as you did so.

"Alright. Let's get you dirty~" you snickered, slowly removing his pants for him.

Oh god.

He was a great size.

You licked your lips and started sucking his member, making the man groan and look away.

"O-ohhhh..." He bit his lip, the sensations washing over his body in the best possible way.

Dirk looked down at you and gently took your hair into his hands. Then he started pushing you down further on his cock.

You complied and bobbed your head up and down, moaning to give him some small vibrations.

"God- k-keep doing that and- I'm gonna-...oh..OH-" He gripped the sheets.

You pulled away at the last second, licking your lips with a smirk. "I want you to get me dirty, you know. So, you can't cum quite yet~"

With a strangled groan of frustration, the man helped you out of your outfit. Then, he held your hips as you slowly sat on his dick.

"Ah...Dirk..." You groaned in pleasure.

"Like that, doll face?" He taunted.

Because of that, you started bouncing up and down on his member, which immediately made him moan.

"Don't talk like that unless you wanna be punished!" You teased, grinding against his crotch.

"Ah~! Gods..! Oh, oh~!" His grip on your hips tightened, nails digging into your flesh. Not that you cared if it hurt later, you were feeling too good to stop now.

After a few minutes, the knot in your stomach started getting tighter.

"OH GOD~! YES! YES YES, YESSS~! DIRK~!"

"Cmon, cum for me! Please- please- I love you!"

You knelt down and kissed him roughly, and he wasted zero time in reciprocating the action.

With muffled moans, you both reached your long awaited climax. You could feel his juices filling you up, and God did it feel great.

Pulling away from each other, you rested your forehead against his, chuckling tiredly. "I...I love you too, Dirk. Always have.."

He grinned and pecked your cheek, holding you close. "I'm relieved. Happy valentines day, babe.."

"Happy valentines day to you, too, Dirk." You snuggled into his chest as he peppered kisses across your face.

~~~

"Have they finally stopped?" Dorian groaned, sitting on the couch.

Volt chuckled, a small smirk on his face. "It sounds like it, but...don't count on it!"

Harper was grinning. "Hehehe! My plan worked!"

Eddie came over with some drinks for everybody. "I will just...act like I didn't hear anything."

Suddenly, ShadowLord came out from the shadows of the sofa, a somewhat mischievous grin spreading across his skull face.

"It seems my penumbra has had the ride of her life, fwa ha ha hah ha ha!"

Harper smiled. "Oh, you were spying on them? I like how you think!"

PLZ REBLOG IF U WANT LMFAO K BYE))

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hello again! This time with a request(although you can skip it if you want :p), could you write something about Tenna with a lightener that suffers from stage fright, but he didn't know and ends up having to halt a show to comfort them?

Feel free to tweak the story around whoever you want! Have a nice day :]

Thank you!

........

If there's one thing Tenna wanted more than anything else on his show, it's for the audience and contestants alike to have a good time! If someone isn't, then the "Fun-O-Meter" isn't going up or down, and he can't allow that.

But when you end up in the TV World and get thrown into one of his gameshows unexpectedly...he gets a bit too caught-up in his excitement over having a Lightner on the stage. The first one who's watched him in a long, long time.

Unknowingly, he chose to put you--who has crippling stage fright--under the spotlight as the sole contestant.

You weren't even good at doing class presentations. How could you do this without looking like a fool???

As he's introducing you to the crowd, you see so many demonic-looking creatures, their claws black as the night and their sharp teeth gleaming under the bright lights, shouting and cheering incomprehensibly.

You don't know any of them.

You don't see any familiar faces.

Just a sea of strangers.

This was like a dream rapidly turning into your worst nightmare-

"Now! Please give us your name."

"H-Huh?" You focus back on Tenna, who's now looking at you.

"Your name, of course! Just type it in and it'll show up on the podium. We only have a small selection of letters, so pick carefully!"

"Oh! Right..um..okay......ah shoot. I think I messed up.." Immediately, you picked the wrong first letter.

You could feel the stares of everyone there, thinking: 'What a bumbling idiot...can't even spell their own name right...'

Tenna was ready to make a joke about your "identity crisis", but in that moment he notices how genuinely upset you seemed. So he pretends to cough, and the screen resets, allowing you to input your name again.

Still, though, you don't feel any better.

During Round 1, you were terrified to pick the wrong answer on a quiz, and embarrassment creeps over you regardless of the outcome.

He was about to introduce a "physical challenge", but he has a hard time keeping up the act and funny quips as he realizes what's going on with you. Judging from your shaking hands, nervous gaze, the stammers in your voice...

So he cuts to a commercial break and leaves the stage, gesturing for you to follow him to the green room, where there's only a few employees and calm music.

At first, you think you're in trouble...until he speaks.

"I'm sorry, I should have realized it sooner..."

"What..?"

"You weren't having any fun." His antennae droop. "Tell me, what can I do to help you feel more comfortable onstage?"

"Huh?? I..uh...I-I promise I'm fine, Mr. Tenna." You're thrown off by his worry. "I just..get nervous being put on the spot sometimes. That's all."

"Those weren't just nerves, kid. You were trembling. I know stage fright when I see it!" He huffs, before pointing to the couch, his voice calmer now. "Please rest. Enjoy our amenities. I'll call you back once I make some...minor adjustments to the games so they're more enjoyable for you."

You had no chance to argue, as he runs off and doesn't allow you to follow him.

RAMB, who overheard everything, explains that while he might be harsh to his employees, he values your feelings more and wanted you to be comfortable on his show. The happiness of Lightners is all he lived for, so he's gonna do everything he can to ensure you're happy and not terrified.

It makes you feel a little better, knowing he's not some crazy overlord of this Dark World who wanted you to play his games until the end of time.

So you rest and relax, managing to calm your racing heart and overwhelmed brain, until Tenna calls you back to the stage--and you're suddenly nervous again.

But for this "episode", there's only one segment: You and him playing a retro-styled video game that reminds you of one you've beaten back in the Light World. He mentions your delight in overcoming the most difficult challenges, beating the hardest bosses, and finding all the easter eggs--he has full faith in your ability to reenact those accomplishments in this "condensed" version.

Your backs are to the audience, and they aren't as loud as before. In fact, you hardly ever notice them as you play through the game, while Tenna commentates.

Even when you're hit with quizzes based on the lore, you weren't nervous and answered them all correctly.

Suddenly it feels like less of a live televised gameshow and more like a casual hangout with a friend.

You get an S-Rank at the end, and earn lots of points to spend back in the green room's prize machine.

You always felt like you should've gotten over your stage fright by now, with people surrounding you saying "you'll grow out of it" or "don't be a scaredy cat". But now that you knew Tenna was willing to be accommodating, you realize he's not all that bad.

He made you feel comfortable enough to be on his show, and he still got a lot of praises/views from the audience due to your stellar performance. So it's a win-win!

[unluckilyimnot]

Never again – Bucky barnes x fem!reader

Summary : you go on a mission with Bucky and Sam after you and Bucky has an argument, but it doesn't go well.

established relationship, fluff, mentioned of an argument, injuries, kinda hurt/comfort ? wc around 3k

Note: first post with Bucky, maybe a bit ooc, I still haven't seen everything with him yet but I feel it's not that bad (?) Please be kind and tell me what you think !!

masterlist | rules

The room remained dead silent when you walked inside. Sam's face was heavy, frowning your way as you took a seat calmly – as if you weren't almost half an hour late for the meeting. The tension in the room was electric. Bucky wasn't looking your way and Sam's eyes were bouncing between you two like an overwhelmed mom. 

Bucky was sitting across from you on the other side of the large table, leaned back in his seat but nothing in his posture was relaxed. The frown on his face deepened when you showed up and his shoulders tensed when he caught a glimpse of you on the corner of his eyes. Your eyes were still red, it couldn't go unnoticed but nobody mentioned it, nor did they point out you sniffing frequently. Instead, Sam cleared his throat and got up.

"Now that everyone dared show up to this urgent meeting," emphasizing on his last words. "I can explain how tonight's mission is gonna go – hypothetically." 

You tried to focus on what Sam was saying, you really did. Your life, or theirs, depend on it but you couldn't help but hear Bucky's heavy breathing, the way he shifted stiffly in his chair; or even missed how his normally warm, blue eyes for you, turned cold. The way he stares at you, as if he was holding himself from snapping at you again for a whole other thing now, was getting on your nerves. 

Your ears were still buzzing from the argument you had with him earlier. From the way he raised his voice at you like you were responsible for everything going wrong in his life and your eyes watered again, at how unfair it was. Tearing your eyes away from him to your hands, you forced yourself to focus on Sam's voice instead, pushing away the uneasy feeling growing in your core. You were just waiting for this meeting to be over, so you could get ready and as much space with him as you could. You couldn't handle having him right in front of you, staring at you like some stranger when you spend your night calming him down after he had yet another nightmare. You get that it's hard for him sometimes, but that doesn't mean it isn't for you as well. 

"We can't let her do it, it's too dangerous," Bucky suddenly cuts both Sam and your trail of thoughts. "I'll go." 

"No man, I need you there," his pen clap on the board, "with me, to cover her. And she has an escape route, you" Sam pointed now at him with his pen, "can't fit in that vent. She's going." He looked your way for the first time in the meeting, searching for support.

You nodded. "I'll handle it. Nobody should be inside anyway. It's gonna be fine." 

"If there's more guys than we assume, there's no way you can handle that by yourself, come on." He was getting fed up. His arms landed loudly on the table as he stared at you, silently begging you to listen but still clinging to his anger. 

"Since when do you think so little of me, huh ?" You snapped, all the resentment building into you the whole meeting flowing out.

You caught his jaw locked when you leaned into the table as well, meeting him half-way and your fist clenching around your sleeves. 

"If I tell you I can handle, it's that I can, Bucky. Don't act like you care now," you spat before looking at Sam again, not letting him space to talk. "I'll do it. Don't change a thing." 

The meeting wrapped up after that, everything was in place and the next thing you had to do was to wait until you got there. The topic was closed, but Bucky wasn't done yet, and you knew better than to fall into it. 

You almost ran away from the room, not leaving him space to catch you outside to talk or pick up his pace to do so. You were done talking with him for today, at least not more than necessary. Seeing his stupid face was enough to make your fist clench now that he just confirmed he didn't trust you, twice. You know you go too far by saying he doesn't care – you know he does – but hurting him like he hurt you earlier felt better than you'd like to admit. 

The route there was silent. You were reviewing the plan, the building plan as you were the one in charge of getting the files while they intercepted the doon to be transported merchandise. Nobody should be inside, Bucky and Sam will make sure nobody makes their way inside so you have a clear field. Rather easy. It wasn't a big operation, you just didn't have much time, but that wasn't a problem for you either. 

Bucky didn't speak to you. You didn't speak to him either. The tension was only bundling up more and more and you knew it wouldn't be pretty when it'll break, but it still had to wait. The pill was hard to swallow, on both counterparts, and now was definitely not the time. Yet he couldn't tear his eyes off you. His blue eyes shine with worry and frustration every time they land on you. He didn't reach out for you, didn't begged for you to listen – he knew better than to push you when you're angry at him. Yet it was impossible to miss the weight on his shoulders when you don't listen to him. 

That only makes you want to prove him wrong even more, showing him that you could handle it yourself, that it was fine and that they could rely on you. Because for the moment, with the simplicity of the mission, it just felt like he didn't want you on the field with them. Like he didn't want to put you in danger when you spent your whole life fighting just like them. 

When the SUV stopped, a fragile sigh left your lips. Your eyes closed for a second; you'll never get over the anxiety that you may not make it, you or one of your partners, out of the mission, but you pushed it away when your eyes opened again. Something switches inside you, turning the anxiety into a fuel to make everything work out. You were leaving after them, so you were still getting ready when Sam jumped off the SUV. A hand brushed against yours. 

"We'll talk about it after, ok ?" Bucky's voice was soft but unsteady, and his jaw clenched with anxiety. 

Neither of you like leaving for a mission angry – it can lead to many regrets – but sometimes, that's something that can't be helped. That was his way to promise you he'll come back to you.

"Be careful." 

He jumped out too, and just like that, he left to clear the field for you. Your heart beats faster inside your ribcage and you have to take a deep breath before stepping out yourself, taking another route. Regrets already crimping in your heart, like something holding your throat; you should've said to him you love him. Because despite everything, that was still your only truth. 

Entering the building was easy; there wasn't many people here in the middle of the night. The remain ones were at the back, dealing with your two partners, trying to protect the merchandise and make it leave anyway before it was destroyed or secured by the authorities. Your job there was to make sure they couldn't remade it, and find every connection they had over the country, even the world. 

The building was empty, you didn't step by a single soul and your delicate, cat-like steps were the only sounds beside the mess happening outside the windows. Finding the office was easy, so was getting all the files on the USB you had or even folding the papers so it fits in your tactical vest. Loads of pockets, your favorite. 

You didn't miss the heavy steps coming your way, well, to the office at least, but there wasn't much time left – it was enough. You had your escape route right behind you, a good kick and you were out of there in a second. So you waited, until the last second you waited. 

The first few bullets were nothing, you dodge easily – they couldn't really see inside the office yet, just your form and they seem in need of more training based on how far it actually was from your body. Hiding the USB in your vest, you took out your gun on the way when three men entered the room. Hitting one twice before he fell on the ground, you made sure to kill his two friends before they could warn anyone.

You start moving faster, taking ground on the desk to push you up to the vent. Your blood went cold when you opened it : a bomb was placed there, and it didn't take to be a genius to realize that it must be connected to other vent. One wrong move and the whole building was out. They were waiting for you – or someone at least. They knew it'll be dangerous and that people would try to sneak in. That's when you took your first bullet. 

You winced loudly at the pain in your shoulder and fell to the floor swiftly to dodge the next few that flew your way. You didn't hear him coming with the mess outside, but that wasn't the worst. The five men behind him were. 

"You ok ?!" Bucky screamed in your ear, making you shut one eye while looking for a way out.

"I'm touched and cornered with no way out, what about you, love ? Still in one piece ?" You tried to play it cool but, besides jumping through the window – which would put you into a bigger battle while being injured, so even more dangerous – you had no idea how to get away from here. 

Your heart was racing at the pain the adrenaline wasn't covering, it was harder to fight with a bullet buried in your skin. As much as you want to be confident, you know you can't manage five men their height by yourself, while being injured. 

"I'm coming." 

It wasn't a question, he wasn't thinking about it; he was already on his way. You wished you could let the relief sigh leave your lips but the hit in your knee made you think otherwise. Your nose starts bleeding as you hit the desk, or maybe was it your mouth ? You had no idea. All you could feel was the metallic taste of blood on your tongue and a throwing pain all over your body as another bullet entered your thigh. 

The knife in your hand was doing far less damage than you wished, but you knew the blood on you wasn't only yours and it gave you a small, comforting feeling before you felt your consciousness slipping away. The last thing you heard was a man whining in pain before you black out by a hit behind the head.

Next thing you knew, you were laying on a bed, antiseptic attacking your nose and the annoying beeping of your heart on the monitor next to you. So, you guessed it went kinda well in the end. Or at least, you made it out alive. Breathing hurt, but it was better than not breathing at all. You guessed Bucky made it out in time, but your ego was bruised. 

You couldn't, in fact, handle it. It went poorly, and you ended up badly hurt – so, probably, did they since you failed so miserably. You wished you could cover your tearing eyes but moving hurt too much for that. Instead you sighed, composing yourself the best you could.

Bucky's voice cut through the room, coming from outside. The simple sound of his voice smooths something inside your heart. You couldn't see him, but he was screaming at Sam, you guessed again, after you heard him yell about how "he told him so" and that it was why you were in a hospital bed. Your head pushed further into the pillow, taking a deep breath, before you called for someone. 

It doesn't take a second for him to strom inside after the light went red on top of the room's door, his breathing uneven and his eyes alert. He was badly hurt too. He had strips around his forehead and his flesh hand was covered in band-aid – leaving you only to imagine the damages beneath his clothes. He probably shouldn't even be up right now. But the relief in his eyes, you've never seen that before. He let out a deep sigh as if he had forgotten how to breathe without you around.

You're hurt, badly, but you can't bring yourself to whine when he takes you in his arms more roughly than he attends to. You can feel his heart rushing against your cheek as you nuzzle yourself into his neck, clenching your fist around his shirt. You had no idea how sacred he must have been, finding you lifeless on the ground while getting beaten up. 

"Never do that again." His voice is low, a desperate whisper as he holds you even closer, cradling your head. Was he hurting you ? Yes, but you don't mind if it could bring him the comfort he needed at the moment.

"Please, listen to me next time. I trust you, I do." He pleaded, now resting his forehead against yours. "But you have to trust me too. Even if we argue. Even if you're mad at me or I'm mad at you. I care about you more than anything. I want you safe, that's all."

"I'm sorry." Your nose brushed into his as you nodded. 

You couldn't even recall why you two were arguing. It was long forgotten, all that matters now was that you were fine, both of you in one piece. His hands cupped your face gently, taking in the feeling of your soft skin below his fingertips before he had to let you go. The medical staff will arrive soon now, but Bucky didn't seem ready to let you go just yet. The coldness of his vibranium hand on your cheek gave you a comfort you desperately need at the moment. It felt like home. Your hand find his, laying on top of it. 

"I'm ok," you murmur before placing your lips on his delicately to not hurt him further. 

"Thank God you are," he kissed you once again, rougher this time, not caring about his hurt lips. "I never would've forgiven myself if not."  

The door opened behind you, letting the staff in for the check up you had to do and it broke your heart the way his lips captured yours quickly one last time before he moved away – but never leaving the room. It didn't take that long, they asked a few questions, checked your reflexes and how you were responding to your treatment. Within 30 minutes, they left the room and you were alone with Bucky once more.  

He was sitting on the chair the whole time, waiting for them to leave so he could hold your hand again. You got told not to move much to not reopen the stitches on your shoulders, so no more hug for the moment; but his thumb running on your knuckles did a great job too. 

"I'm sorry I lashed out at you yesterday," he said after a beat, breaking the silence building up. "It wasn't your fault."

You shook your head, searching for his eyes but he was focused on your hand and all the small injuries on it. 

"I wasn't kind either," you admit, closing your fingers around him. "I'm sorry too, love. I shouldn't have run away from the conversation or say that to you. I'm so sorry." 

His eyes locked with yours for a second, taking in the love you were kindly giving him after the horrible thing he told you and for a second, he thought he didn't deserve you. His lips laid gently on your hand, kissing each of your fingers. You let out a breathy giggle at the ticklish feeling.

"It's long forgotten now, don't worry about that anymore." 

Another silence fell between you, but comfortable this time. The kind you're used to, where you don't feel the need to talk to fill the void, the kind where you just appreciate the other presence next to you. 

"I love you," his voice almost broke, almost, and it felt like he just lost you. He brought your hand to his face. "I should've told it when I left. And the second I saw you awake, but I love you so much. I can't afford to lose you." 

Your heart stutters at his words, he sounds desperate – like losing you would make life impossible to handle, make breathing unnatural. You desperately wished you could hold him in your arms right now.

"I love you too, thank you for coming for me."

"Always."

It wasn't something said without a second thought, even if he didn't miss a beat. It was something he's been saying himself over and over, and his smile proves it to you one more time. It was a promise. 

Let me know if you liked it !

[nobylerdoubt]

Let's Analyze - Mileven's Gender Roles

Quick Note: A while ago I had you vote on what the next Let's Analyze post will be. The vote decided the next post would be about Season 2 Mileven. Given that I am now hosting a weekly Stranger Things rewatch party, I'll be re-watching the whole of Season 2 soon, and I would rather wait until I can watch the season as a whole to make a Season 2 analysis, rather then going through to watch the clips individually.

So I somewhat recently finally watched @teambyler's 3 hour byler legal defense video. Many of you already know this, but it's VERY good.

One point made in the defense of Mileven in this video is that Mike and El's relationship is unique in storytelling because they actually have reversed gender roles.

El takes on the masculine role as the one who has strength and power, and Mike takes on the feminine role of emotional support and caretaking (think about season 1 - Mike literally housed, clothed and fed her). Mike talks about this in the van scene.

In our VHS Club Discord Chat, @zarzar769 and @noneedtoargue1994 talked about how we can use these reversed gender roles to understand the flaws of their relationship better.

So I don't know if it's a universal thing or if its because I'm a woman, or a liberal, or whatever combination of circumstances - but I have a tendency to understand the perspective of a woman in heterosexual relationship conflicts, over that of the man.

And I feel like this seems to be a common experience when it comes to Mike and El's relationship. A lot of people call Mike an asshole, asking how could be so obtuse, so mean.

We understand where El comes from a lot more.

When we flip in genders and consider it in a new way, we can see their relationship a bit more evenly, and better understand how they are mutually bad for each other.

In this post we're gonna focus on the fights and conflicts in Season 4:

Rink-o-Mania

Mike: Holy shit, El... What did you do? What did you do?!

Now in this scene it is easier for us to see El's side of this, and judge Mike for yelling at her. We've seen what Angela has done to El, at school, on the rink, and moments before hitting her with the roller skate. We understand El's perspective here, and Mike can seem kind of obtuse for not understanding why she did what she did.

But look at this scene with a flipped gender perspective: Mike has just watched her boyfriend hit a girl (someone who we perceive to have less strength and power then El) hard enough to cause her to bleed. For a man, who has more strength and power than the person they've hurt, no amount of hurt the other person has caused them would justify this kind of violence. From this perspective, is it easier to understand why Mike would be horrified and accusatory?

I'm not saying what El did was right or wrong, regardless of what gender she is. These situations hold a lot of nuance.

"From Mike"

I've recently gone more in depth with this argument in this post.

In this scene, again, we're meant to empathize with El. She's been bullied and Mike wouldn't understand. She withholds the information that she's being bullied because while Mike is here she just wants to pretend everything is okay.

But from the flipped gender perspective we can contextualize why she's hiding this from Mike a little bit more. El is the man, he is strong, and has people in his life who expect and rely on him to remain strong - including, and perhaps especially, his girlfriend. Therefore, he can't let this weakness affect him, and he especially can't let his girlfriend see that this weakness effects him.

Does this seem like something you've heard before?

On the flip side you have Mike, the girlfriend, who wishes El would have told her about the bullying, because she understands - she could have helped him.

In this argument you also get El denying Mike's experience with bullying, saying that he doesn't understand. On a semi-unrelated note Mike and El actually have a conversation similar to this in season 1 episode 3:

But looking at this conversation with a flipped gender perspective, what we see is El not letting his girlfriend in - not letting her know his true feelings and struggles, because she can't understand. Why wouldn't she?

To phrase it how I phrased it in our discord chat - you'd be telling this girl that she should has an emotionally unavailable boyfriend. But it's Mike, the boy, who isn't noticing El, the girl's emotions, so instead we blame him for not noticing her feelings. he's not allowed to be frustrated because he should have known.

I'm not saying what El or Mike did was right or wrong, regardless of what gender she is. These situations hold a lot of nuance.

Conclusion

Both El and Mike are responsible for the deterioration of their relationship.

El holds the power in the relationship - both literal and figurative. He is stronger and more powerful than Mike, but she also is the sole reason they're in a relationship at all. She's the reason when they break up, and the is the driving force when they get back together. She feels a need to be strong, to be Mike's superhero, and that comes with the emotional burden of feeling like a monster and feeling as though she can't express her feelings with Mike.

Mike is not in the power position and he wants to be; he doesn't necessarily more strong or more powerful the El or any partner, but he wants to be needed. He wants to feel like he has a say in their relationship rather than everything being out of his hands. The one aspect of their relationship where Mike has ever felt needed is being in the care position - when El needed him for protection, for shelter, for food, for emotional support, and now she doesn't. Which makes him frustrated - frustrated that she won't let him help her, and frustrated that he feels he can't do anything for her. Which leads him to, at times, ignore her needs out of frustration - kind of like, 'well you don't need me anyway, so why should I try?'

No matter who's "side" you're on, this relationship isn't healthy for either of them.

Tag List: @a70smatthew @maddyxroses

[melonpalooza]

is it just me or does celine give off major "why won't you just let me do this for you, rose?" energy

kpop demon hunters spoilers and ramblings under the cut

like was her views wrong in the long run? yes. but you gotta see it from her perspective.

now we don't exactly know what happened to rumi's mom, but odds are demons had something to do w her death. maybe problems arose with her trying to meet/stay with rumi's dad. maybe her birth caused complications bc rumi was part demon.

regardless, if rumi's mom convinced celine to give demons a chance, how exactly do you think she'd feel if rumi's mom died because of it? again, since we don't know exactly what happened, i can't say for sure (it can even be a misunderstanding) but i can see how celine can easily blame her friend's passing on demons, which further fuels her hatred.

so celine is grieving and she's taking care of a dear friend's child. and she's harboring generations of hatred for demons who, might i remind you, take people's souls, and may or may not be the cause of said friend's death.

so celine has this bias against demons, and she thinks she's found a solution to rid rumi of her demon side. easy! make the honmoon golden to seal away the demons. (yes i do think it was a bad idea for her to convince rumi to keep her patterns a secret, but then we wouldnt have the third act breakup now would we? in-universe, again, she's really anti-demon, and her hatred clouded her judgment and accidentally made rumi hate herself, not realizing how she hurts rumi, thinking this is best for her)

and then celine has been isolated for most of the movie, had no idea what was happening between huntr/x and the saja boys, literally kept out of the loop, because of how stern she and her teachings are (maybe she was always like this, maybe she's been hardened by the losses she had to go through). and when a distressed rumi comes to her looking 70% "corrupted", asking celine to kill her, celine still doesn't, because she still loves rumi. she still wants to help rumi "find a solution", and telling her to "hide herself" bc she still thinks her way is right and once again the demons are going to take someone else she loves away from her

we as the audience get the context of everything and how this is objectively the wrong way to handle things. but celine? celine still thinks this is the only way to save rumi. she's desperate for her way to work, and she wants nothing more than to save this girl because rumi is the only living proof that her friend was here, that she was alive, a part of her that celine can still keep in her life.

because at the end of the day, her friend is still dead

she's stubborn and wrong and flawed but GOD do i feel for her

[mollyramot]

Welcome to Deltarune: Prophecy Rewrite

My own take on Deltaswap. Ralsei and Kris get swapped, but everything stays the same. (Ralsei is the only one who remembers.)

Ralsei Dreemurr Youngest son of the Dreemurrs

Ralsei is still cursed with horrible knowledge, filled with lots of inner turmoil. He knows everything that happened in the original universe but not what happened to them.

This happens like a year before any Dark World events, so Ralsei is familiar with the Light World and people of Hometown. 

He thinks that maybe knowing everything in the prophecy was better, because he doesn't know what's going on right now. What makes it worse is that he really does love the Light World, having friends, and hanging out with Susie. But he feels like he's stealing Kris' entire life, and that guilt is eating him alive. 

(Is he adopted or biological? Doesn't really matter to Ralsei either way, it's all fake. He doesn't belong here.)

Similar to Kris, he's very reclusive. Unfortunately, this doesn't prevent him from getting in a friend group with Berdly and Noelle. (According to Berdly, he belongs in the smart people clique because he wears glasses.)

Noelle talks about their childhood together with Asriel, and Ralsei has to nod along and pretend he remembers that.

(Had a funny thought on what if Asriel comes home and he goes "Who the FUCK is Ralsei??" My goat wasn't affected by any brainwashing.)

Ralsei tries to make friends with Susie and guide her into the supply closet. (She's not having it.) They only become friends after Chapter 1. Has troubles with being the leader of the party. He's still a mage, Susie comments on how he's so good at magic already.

"Isn't it kinda weird your name is an anagram of Azzy's? I mean, I know your dad isn't the best at names…” "Human? There are no humans in Hometown."

Everyone has vague memories about Kris, but no one can remember them. They have a weird sense of déjà vu too. Darkners have a worse funny feeling, but they're more dismissive. (Something, something, they're just trying to serve their purpose.)

Risk (Kris) The Knight from the Dark

Risk knows the (fake) prophecy and guides the gang. They're very quiet, except when they howl, and they howl a lot. Still a prankster. They do not care much for the prophecy like how Ralsei does, but they are convinced it's their purpose. Motivations are very unclear, just like in canon.

*Ralsei tries to look for a manual.* Risk says they didn't write one while they pick their nose. "W-what!! No manual?!" *Risk says they're joking and gives him one.* "I worked very hard on that." Risk said with a straight face. (Phew! Wait...) "Kris... It's covered in slobber....." (Though their hood is obscuring their face, you can see the happiness in their eyes.)

Ralsei tries to talk to Risk about the swap, but they have no idea what he's talking about. He still calls them Kris, much to everyone's confusion. He also always encourages Risk to act... since they still don't have magic.

Wears a devil hood during Chapter 1, Ralsei insists that they're a human. Wrong. Risk is a dog. One tongue is always out for the funnies.

Strangely affectionate for Noelle. They don't know why, but they enjoy teasing her and seeing how she reacts. Noelle dislikes it, but she can't help but think they're cute.

"G-Get your weird dog off me!!" "Awww, but they like you!" "Uhm, they do?" ("Why does that feel good?")

I think I don't want any SOUL involvement in this universe, so this is purely Kris. Sadly, the only time they’re free is when they’re trapped in the dark.

Textpost I made cause I'm too lazy to draw. :) Expect more comics and drawings for my AU, I just really wanted to get my idea out to the world. Fun fact: This was originally named "DELTARUNE REWRITTEN" but that apparently already existed. (And I only found out after I made a logo.)

[lloydsburnttea]

(Spoilers for DR S3 P2!!)

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Rogue is NOT a ninja, and the ninja should stop expecting him to be one.

Okay so everyone who's reading this has seen the leaked part 2, right? Cool.

(We still don't have the last 2 episodes, so this might change depending on that)

So, a BIG part of DR Jay is that he has no memories and is (currently) known as rogue, a greedy bounty hunter.

And one of the main plot lines is the ninja trying to get Jay's memories back.

But what if I said that they are doing EVERYTHING wrong?

In regards to both rogue and his memories.

How the ninja are mistreating rogue and his memory loss

1. They expect him to believe them, even after he explains that everyone he's met since the merge has lied and manipulated him.

2. The ninja haven't shown any other proof to back up their claims that ras and the administration haven't. (Eg. The photos that could be easily faked and WERE faked for rogue before)

3. The ninja being upset at rogues' behaviour, which is understandable he is a bit of an asshole (but his goodness is shattered so give him a break), but what gets me is they clearly expect him to be they way he used to be, DESPITE knowing he has ACTUAL amnesia AND has very clear trust issues due to his rouge time since the merge.

4. Adding onto point 3, it even feels that they sometimes BLAME ROGUE for having his memory loss!? The main indicator of that is them just getting annoyed when he doesn't remember something, ESPECIALLY nya.

5. It breaks my jaya heart to say this, but the main reason for a lot of these is nya. I know it must be hard that the love of your life is acting like you're a total stranger, but you really aren't helping by getting mad at him for not remembering something he literally can't remember. Now, this may only seem to be nya doing this cause the other ninja don't have as much screen time with rogue, but even then, that's just proving that they aren't doing much to help

6. DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON NYA LETTING ROGUE LEAVE AGHHHHHH (Jay would NEVER do that to ANY of the ninja)

7. Now, this is a bit of a more.. "controversial" take (?), but the ninja got EXTREMELY lucky when finding their missing teammates (Master wu's ghost leading kai to zane when he was just chilling, them going to the LOLT and cole conveniently being there, and Zane luckily finding pixals' pod on that train with rapton). The point is that the ninja never ACTUALLY looked for each other,

lloyd only finding kai because he managed to get back home and then probably staying at the monastery till the beginning of DR,

Zane and Pixal being trapped in those pods (so not their fault),

cole being trapped in the LOLT (so he's not to blame either),

Kai and the whole land of monsters things and he DID actually adventure out but only found nya by coincidence (but still at least he was looking)

and then nya finding kai because he came across her and then finding lloyd because he went looking for kai, but that was AFTER he already met kai again.

And them ONLY finding jay because, suprise, he's an elemental master and got invited to the tournament.

Yeah, so anyway, the ninja (besides kai) didn't PROPERLY look for each other and most of the time only found each other by luck or coincidence. And before anyone says this, YES, of course they were all busy, but you're telling me not ONE of the ninja had some spare time to look over the YEARS since the merge????? It's also implied that sora and arin have been on the team for at least a year(the annual festival thingy), sooooooo

Wait this is supposed to tie into rogue

So what I'm saying is that they didn't look for Jay AT ALL, and maybe if they did, they could've found him before he shattered his goodness.

I honestly can't watch the ninja saying they hope jay is okay and not even look for him 😭😭

8. Yelling, "You're a ninja!" And "this isn't how you used to act!" Isn't helping the situation AT ALL. Telling him what he should and shouldn't do all the time doesn't help the amnesia, really. It just makes him feel like he's doing something wrong when he really isn't.

9. Lloyd not paying rogue is reasonable since yk, they were a bit busy saving the world, but I'm surprised he didn't learn that just because something Isn't YOUR top priority doesn't mean it's not somebody else's (the whole Arin thing), so obviously rogue was annoyed that he wasn't getting paid for DOING HIS JOB, and then yet again theyre saying "you seriously are concerned about money? That's not the ninja way" like GUYSSSSS

So, yeah I hope that they don't make rogue the "villain" in the situation and actually address that the ninja did all this stuff (I think they will since they have hinted that rogue isn't in a good mental place and it'll just be weird to make him the bad guy)

Sorry for the rant. I'm just sick of people saying, "ohh, Jay's gonna regret doing that!" 😭😭

[dvilsdesire]

Blog Changes:

// I'm making some changes to my blog. They're pretty minor, so it shouldn't affect a lot of people, but just in case!

After my mother passed, it's just put a lot of things into perspective for me. I want to be here to enjoy my hobbies, not think about negative things, not push myself if I can't write, not make the things I love turn into chores one way or another, so these things will just help me feel less limited (not that anyone should feel that they have MADE me feel limited--please don't think that! I just need to do this for me right now, and this could change after my mourning process).

For one, I'm dropping some threads. Please don't feel like I'm dropping them because I don't like you or don't want to write with you. I do! We can start something new. I just need a fresh start to reset my mind in this difficult time. Right now, my tracker is a MESS, so I will simply be replying to things as they come, and if other things have faded out, then that is alright (I still have some threads I owe, but those are pretty active within the last month). Everything else... entirely no idea atm, and I will likely reply to them if I get a notif.

I will hopefully clean this up given a bit of time.

I am no longer having mains or exclusives. This doesn't mean I won't favour people and interactions (I'm human). Anyone I write with, I consider a "main" so I've never really understood the concept of this and shouldn't have added it to my blog to begin with. Haarlep is a ho and wants to interact with EVERYONE, and I also want to interact with everyone.

Being away from tumblr through some of this has actually put a LOT into perspective, and honestly... I think most people who step away feel the same thing (it's healthy to do so, so please remember to take care of yourselves when you become overwhelmed). I'm not leaving, I'm just making changes, because they will improve my mental health. I love each and every one of you and everyone who has followed me, interacted with me, etc. You've all been so supportive, especially writing a gremlin like Haarlep (and Raphael).

This has been a difficult time for me, and I am still going to be slow, but I am going to focus on what makes me happy. My mum only ever wanted her children to be happy, and so I will do that for her.

Something else I also want to point out, is that my mum was an exceptionally forgiving person. Even those that had wronged her, she may have been upset, but she hadn't a hateful bone in her body, and I think that speaks volumes of the person she was. Like me, she didn't have the energy to hold onto that negativity, so I will not be dragged into any dash drama or this person said that and whatever. I want to interact with people, make friends and enjoy my time here. So long as you treat me with respect, I will do the same. If you feel the need to unfollow me or block me, then that is your right if I interact with someone you don't get along with or agree with. But I am here for a positive experience and to share my love and joy for Haarlep, Raphael, and BG3 in general, along with my creativity.

My mum was a beautiful person. We all have flaws, and nobody is perfect, but I want her kindness and forgiveness to shine through me as well, even if at times I am cranky and blunt (she loved how blunt I was, because I told her the things she needed to hear, not what she always wanted to). I will keep being a teacher and a guide for those that need it, and I will put my foot down in a gentle but stern manner.

This blog has been nothing but a positive experience for me, and for that I thank you all so much, and so I will continue that way <3 Life's just too fucking short, guys... Please, go out spend your energy on the things that truly matter! Kiss your loved ones, tell them you're proud of them, and love life, because you never know when it will be taken from you.

[sulumuns-dootah]

Can u do Satan and maybe even some of the Niflheim demons with an MC who suffers with depression please?

WHB demons w/ depressed reader

⟡ Masterlist ⟡

A/N: Not to be the one self-advertising, buut... Some time back I posted this comfort post w even more (and some of these) characters! ^^ So you can technically read that as part 2 of this :3

Characters: Satan, Belphegor, Beleth, Gusion, Agares

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Satan, having depressions himself, knows exactly how to approach you and what to do when you need some

Though, if you both happen to have an episode at the same time, the country as if stops

So all Gehenna nobles kinda always try to keep both of you happy so neither of you have to feel bad

This will probably work only about half of the time, but it's the thought that counts

Oh and Satan enstates a mandatory therapy hour at the end of each day where you talk, fight, scream or whatever else you need to do to be okay

       ༺☆༻

As much asleep as Belphie is, he will actually be the first one from his nobles to notice something's off when you're having an episode

For his nobles it is natural that they get tired thanks to his energy, but with you, he feels like it's something else

So he'll actually force himself to stay awake to talk to you

He can't really help much, but if you're having nightmares while staying the night with him, he'll use his powers to change them into nice dreams

Also it's safe to say that his bed is available for you to escape reality at anytime

       ༺☆༻

After Belphie notices, Beleth takes little to no time to catch on too

He'll let you stay in his king's bed, but hell also tend to you like he does to his king

(Actually, I wrote about this in that comfort post ^^)

You might think that he would be a bit annoyed to now have double the work load, but it's the opposite, actually

I hc Beleth's love language to be acts of service so this is something that makes him fullfilled to the max

Also there's this kinda dark pleasure from having you be fully reliant on him during that time

       ༺☆༻

Good boy Gusion tries to solve everything like a math problem

So he'll bury himself in psychology books to figure out what is wrong with your brain until he's found the answer

And he won't take on any other task until he's sure you're okay, which in turn makes other demons wonder whether he is okay

I don't really think they would medicate mental illnesses, so sadly, Gus Gus will have to go to the human world to get some antidepressives for you

And there will most likely be some demons who would question his decision

Once he's back, he'll probably learn that your episode is over and that his trip was for nothing, but hey, at least he has them for the next time

       ༺☆༻

(Might be ooc bc I missed his event due to school T.T)

Agares won't really notice

To him, your change in behavior is you simply getting used to the boredom of your place next to him

It's okay, that's nromal when you have everything you've ever wished for

And if there's really something going on, Vassago is your servant for a reson

When your episode is over, he will notice how you bounced back to yourself, but won't really ask

[wrestlersownmyheart]

"Yeet Of Fate" Chapter 11 (Jey Uso X Female Reader)

Title: Yeet Of Fate Pairing: Jey Uso X Reader Summary: When you, an aspiring author, decide to take your skills to the world of wrestling, you decide to shadow and tag along with a couple of wrestlers to learn more about the sport for your upcoming book debut. None other than the Royal Rumble winner, Jey Uso, is the male wrestler you will be working with, and needless to say, that makes you nervous. You tell yourself, things will stay platonic. You tell yourself that…

Jey Uso is at the top of his game, the last thing he needs is a fan trailing around after him and fan girling all over the place. He wants to do his job, bask in the glory of it and call it a day. Not have to answer questions all day long from a wannabe writer. That's how he feels, until he meets Y/N face to face. She isn't what he expected. And he doesn't like to be wrong. As beautiful as she is… He will keep things platonic. He tells himself that…

Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination. Content/Trigger Warnings: Some more angst

Chapter 11

Jey sat on the sofa in his dressing room after his street fight. He looked at the empty space beside him and could literally picture Y/N sitting there with her laptop typing away at some story ideas, her legs draped across his lap. He shook his head, trying to clear the image away and free his mind of his thoughts of her.

He knew he'd miss her. He knew it. But this feeling was beyond anything he'd ever felt before. It felt like his title reign didn't even matter. Nothing seemed to matter without her.

A knock sounded at his door, and he rose to his feet, walked to the door and opened it.

Seeing it was Rhea, he let her in and returned to the sofa.

"So this is how it's going to be?" Rhea asked, sitting down beside him. "You being all moody, and ignoring everyone around you, including the fans?"

"Maybe. What does it matter?" He sulked.

"It matters because you have friends that care about you. You have fans that care about you. You had Y/N, who cared about you–probably still does, truth be told."

"Nah, not after what I said to her."

"What did you say?"

"I told her she was just a conquest. Basically, that I used her for sex."

Rhea cursed softly. "And did you?"

"No!"

"Then why in the world did you tell her that, you dumbass?"

"I was trying to get her to go home, so she'd be safe. She just wasn't safe here." Jey defended his actions. But she may not be safe even at her home, he thought, remembering Gunther's threats out at the ring.

"Well, Gunther is going to be out for a few months thanks to your–whatever that was out there. Plus he's being fined and suspended indefinitely for what he did to Y/N. Why not try to fix things with her? She'd be safe with all of us while he's gone."

"And then when he comes back? It'd be all to do over again. And she could get hurt even worse."

"I'm sure we could figure something out."

Jey shook his head. "Nah. It's over. She hates me now, anyway. And don't go tell her anything I said. It's better for her this way."

"She doesn't hate you, I'm sure of it," Rhea replied. "She's hurt, Jey. Badly. She's deleted her Tumblr, along with all her writings, and I think it's because she's-"

"I can't help it, Rhea!" Jey exclaimed, frustration evident on his face. "What's done is done."

"You've screwed up," Rhea accused. "You had everything and now you're losing it all–despite being the owner of that championship." Rhea said motioning to the belt. She then turned around and left the room. Too angry to speak to him anymore.

Jey sat still on the sofa for a long moment. Just thinking.

Before he could chicken out, he picked up his phone and dialed Y/N's number.

It didn't even ring. It went straight to voice mail.

He hung up.

Either she had her phone turned off–which was highly unlikely.

Or she'd blocked his number.

It was most definitely the latter, because he recalled the text she'd sent him after he admonished her for leaving the hospital.

"I'm no longer your problem, nor am I your whore…"

"Woman, if you only knew," he thought out loud. "You were never a problem. And you were definitely never my 'whore'."

Shaking his head at his foolishness, he pocketed his phone and began packing up for his next flight.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

A week had passed and you'd resumed going to work. You failed to tell your boss about the injuries you'd sustained, because you knew she would insist on you taking more time off.

And that was the last thing you needed.

More free time to think about Jey.

As if you didn't do enough of that regardless.

Now, you looked up as a teenage boy approached the main desk of the library.

"Ready to check out your books?" You asked, trying to be cheerful and courteous despite your depression.

He nodded and handed over a few novels for you to check out. You punched in your code, and began scanning the books on the computer's barcode scanner. Then you began stamping the due date on them. Within moments you had the books checked out on the system and handed them over to the teenager. "Enjoy," you said with a small smile.

"You ready to go eat?" you're coworker and friend, Christina asked, coming out of the back office.

"I guess," you replied. "I'm not very hungry."

"Didn't you say you skipped breakfast?"

"Yes. I've not been eating so much lately. My nerves are just shot."

You mentally smacked yourself for letting out some information you meant to keep secret.

"What's going on that's stressing you?"

"Personal stuff," you said, "Stuff that I need to keep private."

"Okay," Christina said. "Well, come to lunch, girl. Watch me eat if nothing else. You need to get away for a while. I can see it in your eyes. You look really tired. The vacation didn't do much for you, did it?"

"You have no idea," you replied. "I should never have left. I should have just stayed home."

"Well, if you get to needing to talk about it, I'm here for you."

"Thanks, I appreciate that, Christina."

"No problem."

The two of you clocked out for lunch, and hit the cafeteria that was inside the library's building.

"I'll have a steak burrito," Christina put in her order, and then you did.

"I'll have the Greek salad."

You paused, as you recalled Jey's joking about women who ate salads. Tears sprung to your eyes and you quickly blinked them away.

"You okay?" Christina asked, seeming to notice your sudden quietness.

You nodded, and waited as the clerk pulled a pre-made salad out of the display case, and handed it to you.

You both paid for your food and then found a small table out in the lobby to sit at.

You nibbled at your salad in silence.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

You looked over at Christina then–gave it some thought. She'd always proven to be trustworthy in the past.

"Can I tell you in confidence?"

"Absolutely. I won't say a single word to anyone."

You thought hard about it for a moment.

What would it hurt, you thought. Maybe she could give me some advice on how to get over Jey.

So, you told her.

Everything.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N," she replied, when you finished telling her about how Jey had proclaimed his love for you only to–twenty-four hours later–all but say he'd tricked you into sex. She placed her hand on yours, "Really. I can't believe how people can be so cruel."

"Me either," you said, wiping at a tear that had spilled down your cheek.

"I'm here for you," Christina said. "I know that's not a lot but it's the best I can do."

You shook your head, "No, it means a lot to me. Really."

Christina smiled and patted your hand. "It will be okay. It'll take you some time, but it will be okay."

You nodded. You didn't agree, but you nodded anyway.

The rest of the day went by quickly, and for that you were thankful. All you wanted was to go home and climb into bed.

About an hour until time for you to get off work, your boss, Mildred, commented on how pale you were looking.

"Are you sick?"

You shook your head, "No. Not that I know of."

She smiled warmly and told you to go home and get some rest. The rest of the staff could handle the remaining hour until closing time.

Dreading to get home to your empty house, but relieved because you could go to bed that much earlier, you accepted the offer and clocked out. Then you were grabbing your things and heading out to your car. Within seconds, your car was started and you were headed home.

Once at your house, you let yourself in, and noticed the suitcase from your travels was still in the foyer needing to be unpacked. Hanging your purse on a hook, you rolled the suitcase into the living room and began going through it. Making a pile of clothes for your laundry, you suddenly froze as you lifted the next garment out of the suitcase.

One of Jey's pink "YEET" shirts.

"How did this get in here?" you wondered aloud.

You must've accidently packed it while you were in a hurry to pack your clothes in the hotel room.

Gazing at the shirt, you made the mistake of lifting it to your face. Inhaling, you took in the scent of Jey's light, airy cologne.

Instantly, you sobbed. It was as if he was standing right there beside you.

"Jey, why'd you have to be such a jerk? Why couldn't you have been who I thought you were?"

Your phone rang suddenly, and you checked it.

Naomi.

Reluctantly, you answered the phone, unable to disguise the fact that you were crying.

"Hello?"

"Y/N? What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I'm… I'm going through my suitcase…"

"And? What's wrong with that? Talk to me, Y/N."

"I found one of his shirts in my things. It smells like him."

"Oh, baby… I'm so sorry."

"It's my own fault."

"No. No it's not. Jey needs to wake up."

"Jey isn't who he said he is. He never cared about me. He all but admitted it."

"That just doesn't sound like the Jey I know."

"Maybe none of us knew him," you snapped suddenly. "Maybe he's not who you think he is."

"Listen, I think that-"

"I'm done discussing this, Naomi. It hurts too much."

"Okay, Y/N. It'll be okay. We're here for you."

Suddenly angry, you rolled your eyes. So everyone says, you thought. But when it comes down to it, what can they really do to help?

Then you felt bad. Naomi really was just trying to help you.

"I know. Thank you."

"I just wanted to call and check in with you," Naomi said softly. "But I can see you're not doing very well. Is there anything I can do?"

"Can you reverse time?"

"No. No I can't."

"Then I guess there is nothing you can do."

"I'm sorry, Y/N."

"Don't worry about it." You swallowed back some more tears. "I-I need to go Naomi. I'm sorry, but I do."

"Okay, Y/N. Call us if there is anything we can do to help. Really."

"Thank you, Naomi," you said. "Bye."

"Bye, Y/N."

You hung up.

Numbly, you stood to your feet, and leaving the pile of laundry for in the morning, you headed upstairs to your bedroom, Jey's shirt in your hands. Once you reached your room, you fell onto the bed and curled up in the fetal position, snuggling against the shirt.

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[johanna-swann]

Been thinking about all the Buck & Eddie fights again and I've said before that they both contribute to these situations where the atmosphere gets tense.

Buck can sit with that for a while, he can do passive aggressive, he could keep that up for another week. Which isn't very constructive, he should just talk to Eddie.

Eddie can't stand the passive aggressiveness though, he lets himself get riled up by it. He feels attacked on a higher level than Buck intended and escalates the situation to direct aggression. No pointed comments or snarky come backs, he gets fed up and puts it all on the table, loudly and worded in a way that is supposed to hurt.

Neither strategy is good. Buck drags out the conflict and is petty, Eddie goes overboard with the intensity.

But what they usually fight about is not so much a specific situation, it's more the principle that neither of them feels seen by the other - and this is where in my opinion their recent conflicts lose the balance.

Back with their first fight during the lawsuit arc they both didn't think about the other. Buck didn't consider how important his presence in Christopher's and Eddie's life is, especially so soon after they lost Shannon and after the tsunami and then he made it more or less legally impossible for them to contact him. Eddie didn't spare a single thought as to what Buck was going through, why he would do this or see that Buck was suffering too.

What happened with the supermarket fight though is Buck got a wake-up call. Eddie was in a bad place and he needed his best friend and Buck wasn't there. He felt guilty, dropped the lawsuit within the same episode iirc because he realised it wasn't going to get him what he wanted and tried to make it up to the team. Did all the chores, was man behind, handed out smoke alarms all day and didn't start any trouble. He apologised to Eddie, asked for his forgiveness and they made up. Happy end. Except: Buck learnt a lesson here. He took this experience to heart and tried to do better. Eddie? Didn't apologise. Didn't seem to think he had done anything wrong, not to Buck at least. And so he didn't learn anything from all of this.

They don't have a real fight after that for a while. Eddie sometimes makes comments of the "you always make it about you" variety ("Chimney's wedding is about you?"), but in relatively harmless contexts. It's still not great, but. Eh.

Then we get to the part where Eddie moves to Texas. And Buck supports him. He knows Eddie has to do this for Chris, he is on board with the idea and tries to help. He puts his own feelings aside, prioritises Eddie and he is there. Eddie even admits that Buck was being supportive and helpful up to a point - the point being Buck hearing Eddie say out loud that LA was only a job opportunity anyway and that everything important to Eddie is in Texas actually. Buck has just been dumped by his boyfriend and now his best friend is moving 800 miles away. Eddie leaving isn't about Buck (it's about Christopher), but it will affect Buck's life in a big, bad way. He will miss Eddie, they won't get to see each other in person, he's being left behind again, but he's putting all of that on the backburner to support his best friend. And that comment is what he gets in return. Eddie basically saying that LA, including Buck, never mattered to him.

Should Buck just have confronted Eddie about it? Maybe. Were some of his passive aggressive jabs over the top? Yes. But Buck started out seeing Eddie's struggle. Buck started out putting Eddie first and his own feelings second and he got rejected anyway. I would've been pissed too.

In this case Buck saw Eddie, but Eddie didn't see Buck. Eddie even accuses Buck of spying, turning the overheard comment around on Buck. Eddie doesn't think he's at fault for saying something like that, it's Buck's own fault he was there to hear it. The night the fight really escalates Buck comes to Eddie to apologise, shows up on Eddie's doorstep calm and collected and wanting to talk and Eddie goes off on him. By the end of the conversation, once he's found out Buck is going to sublet, he's relieved and grateful, but he still doesn't apologise for any of the hurt he caused both with that comment and the shouting or even think about Buck's side of the story.

I don't even blame Eddie for not considering Buck's feelings from the start, he had bigger problems to worry about. But finding out that Buck overheard him? That should've been the moment for Eddie to go: "Oh shit, I fucked up." But he somehow comes out of that fight thinking he didn't do anything wrong except get a little loud maybe and having done nothing on his part to fix the conflict. Buck did all the heavy lifting here.

Side by side we have the lawsuit - both are stuck in their own drama, they don't think about the other, they make things worse for each other by doing whatever they want - and Eddie moving - Buck tries to support Eddie as best he can, Eddie talks carelessly and dismissively about Buck and their friendship, they fight about it and Eddie hurts Buck further, Buck then fixes everything and Eddie still doesn't see how this was his fault too.

Buck has learnt (the hard way) that he needs to consider the other person's perspective as well as his own (not just with Eddie, but also with Bobby, Maddie, Ali and Abby) and he is always willing to apologise for his part in a fight, he's more concerned that the other person might not forgive him. He knows he's not perfect and tries to work on himself.

Eddie still doesn't understand that he is just as much to blame for these fights, sometimes more so, than Buck is. He still thinks that Buck is being selfish and immature and if Buck was a better person there'd be nothing to fight about in the first place. Eddie thinks okay, I may have got loud while explaining this to Buck, but at the core of the conflict I was right.

Because that was the dynamic they had when they met: Buck the insecure jealous kid, easily intimidated, will bark but not bite and Eddie the cool competent guy who keeps a cool head and waits for Buck to calm down again.

In a way Buck has outgrown Eddie. Eddie had a headstart on some levels due to life experiences tm, Buck caught up which led to a great friendship, but then he kept evolving while Eddie did not and now here we are.

[agaricus-bitorquis]

PVP CIVILIZATION SPOILERS

Tabi ended her story at rock bottom. I feel like it was really glossed over, but we really have seen her just going lower and lower into this pit and the finale shows her, finally, at her worst.

Sure, no one was really left in a good position, but all Tabi wanted was Good for her people. Was she doing something right? No, not at all. I don't agree with her approach. However that approach is all she's known and she had Clown on her side constantly pushing her towards this brutal and cut-throat way of living and getting revenge for the Axes. She sort of knew what she was doing was wrong, and that she didn't agree with it, but did it because it meant that her civilization and the clearly LARGE amount of people unecessarily lost during it would be avenged.

But then, by the finale, she lost her civilization. She can never go back to the one place she's ever known as home, and not just that she has been permenatly exiled from her home by the very people she was trying to Save basically. Everything she did was for no reason because in the end she's now not just disgraced from her Family, Friends and Civilization for something that was never ever true, but is actively a Kill on Sight now. She has to participate in a fight that she should never have to fight in.

That's just the first point. There's then the reason why she's in that situation, Clown. Clown clearly played a very crucial part in her support system for a long time, that's how he was able to get inside her head and get her to help 'him'. She probably would have jumped off a cliff if he asked her to, and he exploited her desperation - and now she has to come to terms with all that, and more, while he runs away from her and kills himself. She gets no closure, she can't scream or shout at him, she can't even kill him if she wanted.

She's forced to never be able to actually confront him, live with the guilt of seeing not one but two people in their last moments, but also live the rest of her life thinking that Clown never actually cared about her and used her for what seems to be a large majority of her life.

(Which, I do think he did care, however he didn't care enough. I think maybe he was just a bit dissolusioned with the fact that he was using Tabi after a certain amount of time. Clown is very complicated and could be his whole own post.)

'But she has Evbo!' Sure, she kinda does, but is that enough? He isn't exactly around enough to provide enough support for her and he also hasn't had the best time this season. Is it getting better? Yeah. But there's a lot going on still. I also hate to point it out but being with Evbo means living in the sword civilization with people who will never fully trust her and may never truly accept her, and people who she will never fully trust and actually may never trust in general. She is very lonely, and probably scared if I had to guess for a lot of reasons.

Tabi is lonely. She barely has Evbo and no one else knows her or trusts her. She really doesn't have much left for her. She never 'wins', and each time she's close to a win it's ripped from her hands and we are shown this time and time again.

I'm not saying Evbo didn't suffer, I'm saying that Tabi is still suffering while Evbo gets to find some kind of peace.

[241cookies]

WE ALL FUCKING CALLED IT

am I disappointed???

no

not at all

this feels so wrong, BUT I CAN'T EVEN FIND MYSELF TO CARE-

BECAUSE MY GREMLIN IS BACK!!

HE IS HERE AGAAAAIIINN!!!

I love love LOVE this stinky little gremlin

Jekyll ain't having fun with this one-

he shooketh

[losojos-decupido]

sometimes, fogado thinks about the ring of the crux of fate.

he would go to her in the middle of the night. his departures were never grand; they were never anything at all, truly, because not even his mother or sister knew when he would go. the northern fortress was a forbidden place---somewhere best left forgotten, which was exactly the kind of place for a person like himself.

to this ring, who was always hidden in the same place, fogado would confide his deepest secrets. i wish my life was different. i had a dream about bunet again. i'm scared that timerra will die and i won't have done anything to stop it. he never expected the ring to say anything back; most of his words were spoken only so that they could be, just for a moment, before disappearing like cold breath into the air. it didn't help much, but it was nice to pretend that someone sat with him.

dorothea being here is a little different, but it's not entirely unfamiliar. she listens to what fogado says, but offers opinion in return; among the flowers and among the rain-dotted silence, she shows him precisely what it is that he continues to get wrong, again and again and again. he is a thief of agency.

and for a second, fogado opens his mouth: he only does it for their sake, he's got everything figured out, but the protests die on his tongue because dorothea bleeds. thorns that were his are now hers; she shows him the other side of his good intentions and it's awfully sour-feeling. he purses his lips.

there isn't anything he can say. not much he wants to say. but he can't leave dorothea like this, so he takes the rose back and throws it behind him.

" i... guess. " the unsteady deer tries to stand, wobbly-kneed. afraid of being hunted, afraid of being seen. " it's just really hard to not have everything... be in a place. it's hard that i can't just... make it all okay. i know that's not how people work. dragons, i know that's not how people work. but that's just a me thing. "

that's the hardest part about being a people pleaser---coping with the times you flunk a social interaction. coping with the times you hurt the people you love because what you thought was right wasn't, actually. he never meant to walk away from mitama, but that's all it looked like to her. there aren't words that can repair what's happened. not perfectly.

" ...sometimes i wonder if it's easier to stick to the shadows, " he mutters, suddenly, fixated on the thornpricked skin of his fingers. " sure, i try to be as good a friend as i can, but not knowing what's right all of the time freaks me out. it probably isn't better than forcing a choice, but maybe never having a choice to begin with is... simpler. "

[ ♫ ]  ─  * 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐡𝐠 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐦

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